High Noon at Gatewater Land

A tumbleweed rolled across the deserted causeway in the Wild, Wild West area of Gatewater Land, and a breeze kicked up a light cloud of dust. From loudspeakers around the town, "The Good, The Bad & The Ugly Theme" played. Franziska von Karma strode slowly to the middle of the road. She wore her normal clothes but with a black cowboy hat and spurs that clicked with each step. Opposite of her stood her rival in love, Phoenix Wright. Narrowing her eyes and snarling, Franziska waited for the clock to strike noon, her hand hovering over the whip she wore at her hip.

(Just for those who don't know the song... The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly )

Phoenix glared back at Franziska, his hair gel inside his pants pocket. He was wearing a blue cowboy hat, and spurs on his dress shoes. He glanced nervously at the clock. '11:55, you can do this, Wright!' he prep talked himself. He scowled at Franziska in what he hoped was a menacing fashion

Franziska glanced at the clock, did a double take, checked her own watch, then shouted up to the clock tower, "OLDBAG, THE CLOCK IS FOUR MINUTES SLOW. FIX IT NOW." After a moment, the minute hand spun to indicate 11:59 and even clicked a notch closer to noon. Less than a minute until Franziska could have at Phoenix, and she was counting every second.

Phoenix was trying not to cry as he wondered how he got into this. "Can't we talk something out, Franziska von Karma? We are lawyers, after all." 'Or I can run like hell once that clock reaches noon,' he added in his head.

"Talk is for the court room," Franziska smiled coldly, snapping her whip. "You seem nervous, Phoenix Wright. If my brother is going to be with a man, that man better be man enough for my brother. I REFUSE TO LET A FOOLISHLY COWARDLY FOOL BECOME A PART OF MY FAMILY."

"OBJECTION! I'm not a foolishly coward fool!" Phoenix defended himself and brandished his pointer finger, feeling the fingers of his other hand wrap around the tube of hair gel in his pocket. "And, um, what happens if I lose?" He smiled nervously.

Franziska bared her teeth in what was more of a growl than a smile. "Then Miles is mine." The minute hand snapped straight up, and instantly, Franziska's whip struck at Phoenix's hand.

Phoenix dodged out of the way of the whip, and pulled out his hair gel. "He's my Pink Princess!" he barked, and began to spray hair gel at Franziska. "You're not going to kill me, are you?" He asked, trying his best not to cry in fear in front of the prosecutor.

Franziska recoiled a bit as some of the goop landed on her gloves, but she recovered quickly, cracking the whip twice across Phoenix's front. "I will if you continue to emasculate him, defense attorney!" She spat the title as though it were profane.

Phoenix brandished his hair gel like he brandished his index finger in court, squirting more of it. "Fair enough, evil demoness from hell prosecutor! But Miles wants me!" He took his hat and threw it off, revealing his pointed spikes. 'Everyone knows my winning power is in my hair,' he smugly thought.

Franziska was used to striking metaphorical low blows, taking out what the opposition most prized. One crack of the whip snapped off several of Phoenix's hair spikes. "You've tricked him somehow!"

Phoenix reached back in horror, hardly daring to believe it. When he didn't feel his spikes, he almost had a nervous breakdown, but then anger boiled up inside of him, and he ran headlong at Franzi, squirting his hair gel. "FOR MILES, AND MY HAIR!" he roared furiously.

Franziska side stepped, tripping Phoenix and catching him with her whip around his neck. "Go on, use up all your gel. You'll hardly have use for it now."

Phoenix growled in anger. "You mess with the hair, and you get the attorney's badge!" He brandished his lapel, making it catch the light in such a way that he hoped Franziska would be blinded by it.

The flashing light hurt and Franziska released Phoenix as her arm flew up over her eyes. However, the movement sent her cuff jewels slamming into Phoenix's face.

Phoenix grunted in pain and rolled back before she could do any more damage. "Take that!" he smirked and stood back up. "Why are we fighting, anyway? Shouldn't Miles be the one to decide who gets him? I propose a debate on who gets to court Miles!"

Franziska wouldn't even validate that suggestion with a response. Instead, she raised her whip in the air, threw her head back and shouted like a savage. "AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAI!!!"

Indians popped up on the roof tops all around them and let loose a volley of rubber tipped arrows, all whizzing towards Phoenix.

Phoenix turned around and began to run, covering the rest of his spikes as he ran in a zig zag fashion. "That's cheating!" he wailed as he ran for the entrance to the park. "And I wanna live!"

Franziska spun her wrapped up whip expertly and hooked it back on her hip. The speakers now were playing "How the West Was Won". Spurs clicking, she strutted over to a bale of hay and hauled up Miles who had been bound and gagged. Ripping the duct tape off his mouth, she kissed him roughly as the spot lights faded to represent the sunset.

Phoenix watched from afar, crying. He curled up into a ball, whimpering. He didn't even look up when a large shadow loomed over him, he just continued to sob quietly.

How the West was Won

Mia had been watching everything, and sighed sadly when she saw Phoenix collapse and assume the fetal position. She walked over to him. "Phoenix?" she crouched down and grabbed his shoulder. "Phoenix Wright! You are not allowed to cry! The only time a lawyer can cry is when it's truly all over!"

"But Chief," Phoenix sniffed. "I lost my boyfriend, and MY HAIR!" He pointed to his half spiked head. "There's not much left to lose now..." He held onto his attorney's badge as tightly as he could.

"Mr. Phoenix Wright," Franziska smirked, swaggaring over to him triumphantly. "You're still here? I thought I saw you running for the hills with your tail between your legs." Turning to Mia, she nodded her head and touched the brim of her hat. "Miss Mia Fey, afternoon." By now, the lights in the theme park had reset to normal levels.

"M-Miles!" Phoenix sobbed, now clinging to Mia childishly. "Chief, she cheated! Make her give him back!!"

Franziska stomped Phoenix's head in contempt, grinding his face into the dust with the ball of her foot. "Such a foolish fool making foolish pleadings..."